Wednesday, June 22, 2011

How To...Have An Awkward Date

Heidi & Brynn Sankey @ Mosaic's Tacky Prom

Well, it is indeed Wednesday. This means its time for another "how to".  A few days ago we took a family trip to the Zoo. There were these two young adults on what appeared to be a first date. It was a bit painful to watch really. Got me thinking about awkward dates I have been on. Without further ado, pulling from real life experiences, I give you "How To...Have An Awkward Date."

1. Say something really stupid & then get made fun of. This was the first real date that I had been on with this particular person. We were driving along & came upon a railroad track. He then told me a story he saw in the news about a train that crashed the day before spreading out toxic materials that it was carrying. They had to evacuate the town. Then he said, "Yeah, apparently 'toxic' means something really bad. Like they hurt you or something. Its really not good." I thought he was kidding & told him to stop acting like an idiot...come to find out he really didn't know that toxic was bad. No clue. The next 15 minutes were awkward as he drove me home...

2. Take your date to a shady club. Okay, I'll admit. This one was Jady. We weren't 'dating' at the time, but he took me out to dinner in Salado for my birthday. Knowing that I really like spontaneous guys, he decided to be spontaneous & throw in a trip to Austin after dinner. Where he is from there is a place called 'The Roxy' that is a really cool venue to hang out at. He figured that The Roxy in Austin would be the same. Except it wasn't. It was a really shady dance club in the middle of 6th Street in Austin. It was the trashiest place. We tried to hang out a bit since we had to pay a cover charge to get in, but after about 2 songs of x-rated dancing from the other patrons we quickly exited. Walking back to the car, he didn't notice I moved to his other side, and thought I had gotten lost in the crowd. Franticly he starts screaming "Liz!!!! Liz!!!" But, really I was standing next to him. A-W-K-W-A-R-D. But, he was cute so I gave him another shot. :)

3. Stop to buy toiletries on the way to take your date home. I went with a Kappa Sig to his rush dance at Baylor. It was just rough all around. He laughed nervously the entire night & didn't dance once. This alone is awkward when it is a dance. I was DYING to end the evening. Finally, he decided to leave and take me home. But first we had to stop at the grocery store because he needed to buy more dandruff shampoo. ( I promise, I am not kidding ) After I helped him decide which shampoo would be the best fit for his dandruff problem he took me home. A really big waste of a cute dress.

4. Run Away...Really Fast. I was on a date at Olive Garden with a guy who had just become a firefighter. It was his very first time on call, & he hadn't ever fought a fire yet. Halfway through dinner the beeper went of. This guy jumped straight from his chair (nearly knocking the table over) and ran full speed away from the table, out the door and drove like a madman to the fire station. I was left sitting alone in Olive Garden with a half knocked over table, no money to pay for the meal & if my memory serves me ride home. Awkward.

5. Make your date give a sermon at a retirement home. So I really like seniors. Not the "class of 2011" kind, the AARP kind. This guy found out about that and decided to take me on a date to a retirement home. He called ahead and said that he was taking me out and wanted to surprise me with a trip there to hang out with some of the residence. In his mind that meant, you know, play bingo & eat cookies. Well, there was a miscommunication somehow. We walk in and they had gathered the seniors into the chapel. For a 45 minute chapel service by the two of us. Again, I am not kidding. Rows of wheel chairs & a microphone for me. So we sang a few songs. ( I do not sing. We had no music. We just sang what we remembered off the top of my head) I spoke for about 20 minutes on who-knows-what, and then we did Q&A. I can't tell you how comical and painful this was. My poor date felt TERRIBLE. I mean he just made this  blonde freshman do an impromptu church service for the elderly.

Those are some of my awkward moments on dates. Pretty bad, huh? Please, please, please...I would love to hear yours!


  1. DYING. . . just DYING. . . how did you get so many "bad dates" . . . but I do LOVE how concerned Jady was that you were lost! :-) I did go on one or two date to make my now husband jealous. . . and it was an epic fail. . . the guy told me he thought like a computer. . . and it was so funny, I had to tell Nate which of course didn't make him jealous at all! ;-)

  2. I know...maybe I should be concerned that I had so many bad dates! Never went on a date with a computer though... That's all you Elizabeth!

  3. This post is hilarious! The retirement home story made me laugh out loud sitting here alone in the living room.
    I once went on a date with an ag teacher who talked about castrating farm animals for most of dinner then took me to a movie where he was literally the only one laughing in the theater, but not just laughing, snorting and slapping his knee and loudly repeating every line he thought was funny. He also spent most of the movie with his palm turned upward on the arm rest of the chair hoping I would reach ovver and grab hold (you know like the old jr high move). It was definitely one of my worst dates.

  4. Bless you, Liz. I *so* needed this laugh tonight. Laughed out loud. Multiple times.

  5. Oh my goodness! Hilarious, Liz! I love your blog so so so much! Sitting in bed, in the dark, with only the laptop glow, LAUGHING OUT LOUD. So funny!

  6. This is hilarious! I just discovered your blog. LOVE it! This is seriously hilarious!! I want more stories about your life. :)