Thursday, June 16, 2011

Afraid of the Dark

The Dark...

I'm gonna be honest. Real honest. I'm afraid of the dark. Not the actual dark. Well, sure, I don't want to be in the woods alone at night. But that isn't what I'm referring to. I mean the 'dark'. The unknown. It's what may be in the dark that scares us. The imaginary fears that drain so much life and diminish our rest.

Our bodies naturally are made to sleep in the dark. We sleep best that way. But when we are made to be 'resting' we becoming alarmingly focused on what might be out there. Instead of laying down in a calm and refreshing environment we allow fear and anxiety to creep. Convince us that horrible things could and are going to happen. And then we dwell....we dwell on these things. They may be things that are absurd, or things your personally have experienced in the past. The child that is unhealthy, a massive character flaw exposed. Perhaps you are afraid of being abused. Worried that you aren't ever going to be enough & if everything isn't done perfectly the people around you will be able to see that in your core - you are a failure. Some other examples that people I know are afraid of :

What if I stay single? What if I'm dying and I don't know it? What if I'm 50 and still broke? I just know that I'm going to be fired from work even though I give it my all. Could this weird headache be a brain tumor? My friends will probably all get bored of me. How am I going to cope with being abandoned again? I'm sure my spouse will leave me for someone else. Oh my gosh, I can't breathe. That will hurt so bad...

Zap. Drained. Not only that but a tight paralyzing fear is coating everything. Is this stress or a heart attack? It could be a heart attack. I better google the symptoms of a heart attack...

And there we are. No wonder we are dry. In a single day we have remained single forever, died, carried the burden of a lifetime of poverty, become unemployed, fought cancer, been abandoned and betrayed, and given ourselves a heart problem.

We crash exhausted onto our beds. Only to wake up to the dread that today may be the day the horrible earthquake that destroys the west coast happens. I should probably spend most of the days outdoors, or near a doorway. Okay, that may be a bit exaggerated. You get the point.

I, you, we get on a roller coaster of fear & dread. We cannot get off. It owns us. We don't tell people because we know it is stupid. But, our minds grow more fatigued every day. Then we are dull. We have no capacity for hope. No capacity for Kingdom. No capacity for dreaming into tomorrow. Certainly no capacity for others. How can a widow who is unemployed and has been the victim of a brutal physical attack have time for anything else other than survival.

I want more of God in my life & I know that if I keep investing in fear, that will be my greatest return. I don't want an inheritance of panic, dread, hopelessness. I want peace, joy and rest. I'm asking God to fix my mind and the way I think. What I dwell on is what I am becoming. The world is worried. When I listen to the world, I get worried. When I listen to God I get rest.

"Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.

Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do your best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling gracious - the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse...

Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into His most excellent harmonies." - Philippians 4:7-9 ( the Message )


  1. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  2. Amen! I, too, want to get off the fear roller coaster and not leave a legacy of "she who feared" behind. Wise words, my friend.