Lessons From My 20s: You Need Days Off

Well, one thing I have learned in my twenties is to take a day off. Things get so busy, balls start juggling, and my mind get tired. But a day off helps my perspective, reminds me that the world doesn't really depend on me and gives me space to do little things I don't usually make time for. Today is that day for me. I am taking the day off writing a new post. Instead I am going to bed! Goodnight & I will post a new one tomorrow!

Lessons From My 20s: Narrow Isn't Small

There remain only 25 days left in my 20s. Before I hit the big 3-0 I am recalling the things I have learned in this decade. Today's lesson: Narrow Isn't Small.

"...narrow the gate that leads to life, and only a few find it." Matt 7:14

I misunderstood this idea for years. It seemed to me that 'narrow' meant small, plain, so tight that nothing big or impressive could get through. You humble yourself so low & make yourself so small that you can squeeze into this tiny opening that is the road on which we journey with God. Having to constantly shave things off in order to stay small enough to continue walking the path.

Shallow breaths and constantly squeezing through tight & confining spaces are the only way to make it. The 'narrow gate' was negative. It was bare bones. No frills. Don't bring your iPad, your red lipstick or a good book. There isn't room for those things. Breadcrumbs and waterbottles only are permitted to accompany you here.

You see, I thought 'narrow' meant small. But it doesn't. It means focused. I have had many seasons in my 20s that have felt incredibly narrow. Moving to Seattle where I knew a total of 6 people (the ones I moved with), months where our paycheck bought the ingredients for peanut butter & jelly sandwiches..and little else. I had two kids. I was on bedrest with the second...narrow, narrow spaces.

These places were by no means small. Not simple or plain. Concentrated. Sharpened. Pointed. Narrow places are seasons where God realigns our hearts. When we squeeze in the narrow gate we are forced to take note of all the things crowding us. There isn't room for fear, insecurity, arrogance, bitterness. When things are tight you become highly aware of what is pushing against you.

That is what comes off in the narrow places. What grows in the narrow places are dreams, calling, depth of revelation regarding who God is, an understanding of the ways God sees me. I begin to focus on the things he has put before me.

The narrow gate doesn't limit me, it releases me. It allows me to grow upwards. To become taller and reach greater heights. I can hear the echo of His voice. The faint cheering from the crowds on the upper ledges. The ones who have gone before.

I have learned that when life feels narrow, my emotions feel sqeezed and my calling seems to harness me in. I don't fight it. I focus and walk into the crack in the Rock. The place He has prepared. I know in the narrow place I will find magnificent things. Not plain & deflating ideas, but dreams more wild than I ever imagined. When the path seems to close around me I pull out a shovel and dig. For there is always more God. There is always more room.

I have learned that narrow isn't small. The narrow gate leads me to a brilliant, big life.



Lessons From My 20s: Some Tips For Red Lips

In 26 days I turn 30! Each day of November I am writing something I have learned in my 20s. This one is for the girls - sorry guys. Come back tomorrow!

It may scare you. Intimidate you. Would you be brave enough to leave the house with it? Can you pull it off. Yes. You can. Red lipstick is your friend. The benefits of a berry pucker is huge.

Red lips make you look classic. The pop of color on your face gives the illusion of being well rested. As a mom I use this trick alot. But my favorite thing is that red lipstick makes even a pair of jeans and a simple T-shirt look like a chic outfit. It is a 30 second thing that creates a very big impact look.  I have two small kids. Not a lot of time to get ready. Honestly I do my hair & make up in ten minutes total. 

On a day when I need an extra punch I put on red lips. I feel confident & polished. Its amazing what it does for your mood. I always get compliments when I wear it. Following the compliment most women then say " I wish I could wear red. But I can't". I am here to say that you can. You just have to get the right shade and right formula. So, here is my very practical lesson of the day. Some tips for red lips:

• Create the perfect canvas for a red mouth by keeping the rest of your makeup smooth & simple. Mascara, and some foundation. Maybe a hint of subtle blush if you are older and or don't have much natural flush. But keep color minimal.
• Exfoliate your lips. (You should be doing it anyway). Get a toothbrush wet and lightly brush it over your lips. Now you have a smooth surface.
• Smooth a lip balm on your lips to keep them looking soft under your color.
• Use a neutral lip pencil that matches the shade of your natural lip, not the lipstick. 
• Choose the right shade. Red lipstick varies from coral to burgundy. 
• If you have cool undertones look for blue-based reds. Think crimson or a pinkish coral.
• If you have warm undertones look for reds with a bit of orange in them. Classic fire engine red or coral. 
• Deep complexions can wear rich shades like burgundy and dark berry.
• If you don't know what your complexion is look at the veins on the underside of your wrist. If they are blue then you have a cool complexion. If they are green then you are warm.
• Pick your formula. You can go for a classic, retro matte red. Or opt for a sheer red gloss. It just depends on the overall effect you want and how bold you wish to go. If you have thin lips stick with a gloss.

Okay. Red lips are my favorite. Give them a try!

Lessons From My 20s: The 'Next Big Thing' is usually small

27 days until I turn thirty. Today's lesson from my 20s: The "Next Big Thing" is usually small

My dog is big...my daughter is small.

We often think that the best is the biggest. So when looking at the futures of ministry, parenting, job markets, business strategies, and investments we often look at what seems to have all the hype around it at the moment. 

Things that enter the scene with a bang usually leave with a fizzle. They die out. It was ballooned hype. When a controversial pastor gains sudden influence because of his or her approach to ministry we want to hop on the band wagon. I mean, look how many people follow them on twitter! They must be doing something right.

A few celebrities loose a bunch of weight by taking some supplement. Eating healthy and exercising is so archaic. I'm sure that our bodies have evolved to where all they need is a supplement. The famous girl said so. Pass me my venti white chocolate frappe please. This nifty pill will help me burn off the fat...until the FDA bans it in 5 years.

New trends aren't bad. Its just that they rarely last. How many of you guys still do Tae bo? Don't put all your eggs in a basket just because it has a sudden flash of momentum. People are fickle. They will move on to Zumba in a few years. 

Long term change is brought in small increments. Slowly building vision and values into people. Gradually developing a following based on conviction and not just good marketing. Apple slowly changed the face of technology by slowly growing into their influence. They have a solid business based on years of work that can sustain the explosive advancement in the tech market. 

When I look at my life and think of what I who to be, or marks I want to make in my generation I can easily be swayed by the 'big thing'. The thing everyone is tweeting, blogging and having conferences about. It is easy to want to attach myself to something that seems to be surging so I can gain ground. 

But I have learned that the real next 'big things' start small. They start simply. Built with conviction and wisdom. To get to be the woman I want to become I don't attach myself to what seems to be the influential and most popular approach to something. I attach myself to the thing which will change my character, my lifestyle, and sharpen my gifting. I attach to discipline and hard work. I attach to what will make become who I want to be not just carry me a few feet. 

Bubbles always burst. Foundations last. 

Lessons From My 20s: Time Will Tell

In 28 days I will turn 30 years old. So, each day of November I am posting a lesson learned in my 20s. Today's lesson : Time Will Tell.

I tend to be an impatient person. If I have an idea I want to have all the steps figured out twenty minutes after it enters my brain. I will think through how I would explain it if asked and trouble shoot any potential problems. 

Decisions would be made like clockwork if I had my way. Ministry decisions, friendships, apostolic ideas would all have concrete plans. I would know how the story ends. I don't want to wait. I want to decide today.

I want to know where I am going to live. Which school my kids will attend. I want my question answered now and I want you to return my phone call immediatly...or I will text you until you respond.

Much to my irritation whenever I go to get advice the answer is usually, "Well, just wait and see." I don't want to wait and see. I want to know. Today. Forget waiting, I want to predict. 

Then I get restless and start to become stressed.  Finally I  realize that no matter how many scenarios I come up with I do have to wait and see. Time will tell. It will tell which decision is the best one. Time will give me perspective. 

Most importantly time lets me see what fruit is being produced by something. I can see what God is doing on a broader scope. I wait so my heart will calm down & I can hear that still small voice. What is God speaking and saying?

I would make immediate decisions to long-term problems if I had my way. Thankfully, I don't have my way. I have to wait. And time does tell. Simply waiting eliminates about 90% off the stressful, mind consuming filtering that I try and do on my own. 

Hopefully in my 30s I will be better at simply resting with God while He, in His timing, reveals the answers to all my questions. I hope I get better at that...but...time will tell.

Lessons From My 20s: Life is Sweet.

As you know, I am turning 30 next month. So each day in November I am posting a lesson I have learned in this previous decade. Today's post is a bittersweet one. Three years ago today Sweet Hopkins lost her battle with cancer.

Sweet Hopkins with her daughters Kendall & Ivy.

Sweet's daughter Kendall was on our team that went to Seattle & is  a dear friend. Having gotten to know Sweet over those years was such a blessing to me. I don't think I have ever met a more accurately named person. Sweet was the very definition of her name. My friend Erika & I were talking about it yesterday, and we decided to write this post together. Here are her thoughts:

My life was sweet with sweet…

She loved life, family, and friendship.   I loved hearing Kendall talk about her childhood, how most nights of the week children from the kids ministry, her best friends, their neighbors, or her moms’ best friends were at their house.   Their family had wonderful traditions like cheesy chicken and cornbread casserole, telling hilarious stories and huge Christmas dinners with friends of 10-15 years.  I can’t say I’ve seen friends more devoted then the friendships Sweet built. Even in the seasons when they got bad news I always felt like their house was full.  Ladies sitting in the bedroom reading magazines, praying, making jokes, Kenny in the kitchen cooking up something wonderful with friends, Kendall and her friends, Ivy and hers. She loved to build and make connections and this is the way she did life, open, genuine, hope-filled and full. 

She loved presents, prizes and treats. I was Kendall’s roommate for almost 3 years in Seattle. When we first moved into our apartment I was sincerely amazed at all the lotions and pajamas that FILLED the bathroom we shared.  It wasn’t long before I started realizing why.  Sometimes it was a holiday like Valentines or Easter, and sometimes it was “just because”, but Kendall would get this huge package several times a year filled with large bottles of Philosophy lotions, pajama pants, always some yummy treat (sometimes homemade) and sometimes sentimental keepsakes.  Sweet loved gifts and she loved beauty and it nurtured, loved, and filled our house with wonderful smells and pretty things.  I’ll never forget the time she sent an antique family piece, an extremely fragile glass candy dish filled with candy and pajamas, dresses and lotions (of course )one Seattle Spring.  

       -Erika Kraus

When I look back at my 20s I remember one specific lesson Sweet taught me. Kendall had accidentally stabbed her hand and had to get surgery up in Seattle. Sweet couldn’t come up to be with her, but she called me daily (sometimes multiple times a day) to check on her. She coached me on what Kendall needed and ideas of how I could help her. It was incredibly helpful actually. Sweet showed me how to love Kendall better. Sweet taught everyone how to love others better. That is why she herself was so loved.

Sweet also taught me that who you have around you is more important that what is going on around you. She was the same hospitable woman when she was healthy and when she had just come home from a chemo treatment. I remember sitting next to her watching Jon & Kate Plus 8 while she laid there exhausted from chemo. She talked to me about Sophie and the importance of loving kids…She never stopped investing in people regardless of her situation. She never forgot about others.

Today, I remember her. I remember what she taught me. Life may be short. But it is sweet.

Lessons From My 20s: Friends Are Friends Forever (cue cheesy song)

On December 2nd I will turn 30 years old. In honor of this momentous occasion, I am blogging daily in November a lesson I have learned in my twenties. Today's lesson : Friends Are Family.

These are some of my nearest & dearest. Can't imagine life without them...

Last night I actually started crying when I thought about celebrating my 30th birthday without all of my closest friends. I was thinking about what I wanted to do for my birthday party and realized that many (certainly not all) of my close friends live somewhere else. And then the tears flowed.

I am sentimental about random things. I did in fact take a photo of the doorknob in my house in Russia. Strange, I know. My 30th birthday isn't that odd of an event though. And, if you knew my friends you would know why I wish I could be with all of them on my birthday. They are truly incredible.

My friends love me well. A few reasons why I love them back:

• I have roamed the streets of various countries and they are fabulous co-adventurers. In fact, Kristin & I met in Paris.
• They have celebrated the birth of my kids & sat by my side when I had a miscarriage. Ashley driving all the way from Portland.
• We have watched each other fall in love. Sometimes ending in happy marriages and for others broken hearts.
• Several of them have graciously followed me as I clumsily learned how to lead.
• They have helped me pack/move more times than I can count! 
• I can call them at 1 am and they will call me back. Believe me, I have done this a few times. 
• Some of the most constructive criticism I have received has been from my closest friends. Thankful they believe in me enough to be honest.
• Several have dyed my hair for me...sometimes a win & sometimes a fail...but, I won't name any names.
• I go from silly to feisty in 2 seconds. They put up with it.
• They patiently listen to me as I lecture them about the importance of skin care and daily SPF use.
• They disciple me in the ways they obey God no matter what He says.
• I have seen them walk through some significant valleys - depression, a few who have chronic illness, the death of a mom, disappointment when they put it all on the line and risked big...and they walked through it with honesty, hope and loving God more in the end.

I could go on & on... My friends are like family. My friend Sarah has been a bestie since 1st grade and others as recent as a few years ago... I have learned not to take them for granted. I have learned that friends like these don't come around all the time. Now I make time for phone calls to catch up.  A depth of relationship that multiplies with each year we know each other. My gratidute abounds.