Hurried, Frantic & No Where To Go

Some days every hour is rush hour.

Under most circumstances, I like flowers. But not on days like today. In fact, these stupid flowers might be the straw that breaks the camel's back. The fluffy white dandelions were too big a temptation for my kids to resist. They blew them, stepped on them, & threw them. It was so irritating. Especially since I had given a pep talk before leaving the house, "Okay, guys. We are going straight to the car. Not to the swing set or patio. To the car!". With my impatient accusation of the delay they were causing, I was finally able to get them in the van to go. Driving through the neighborhood I am thinking about how ridiculous this is. Why can't they get in the car? No way it should take 5 min to leave the house. We need to GO!

The funny thing is that we are just going to the grocery store. It really didn't make a difference if they played in flowers for 5 min. No big deal, right? Except it was a big deal to me. I was in a hurry. I have found myself in a hurry a lot lately.

Busy - (adj.) actively and attentively engaged in work or a pastime ; engaged in action; occupied; being    in use.

Hurry - (verb) to perform with undue haste; to impel to rash action; to impel to greater speed

I manage my schedule to keep me from being overly busy, but I don't manage my emotions to keep me from being hurried. This rushing, urgent attitude follows me on my days off, it makes me rush to finish projects around the house and causes me to be quickly impatient. It is an attitude problem not a scheduling problem. Why do I chase phantom deadlines? Why do I feel the need to be so rushed and stressed?

A few weeks ago at church a psychologist spoke on stress. He said that stress was the new status symbol. I think he is right. We get together and talk about how busy we are. "It is such a crazy week. I have been going non-stop...." The more stressed, pressured, and busy we are - the more important we are. It would be socially unacceptable now to not be busy, stressed and hurried. You would get a negative image as if you were a leach on the rest of our hard working society. A bum. 

My whirlwind mind is proof of this. Sure, the laundry & cleaning keeps me busy. But the non-stop pressure to do more is what keeps me exhausted. I look on Pinterest and suddenly have to throw my 3 yr old a party that would merit re-pinning. I see other people's blogs who spend so much time manicuring their sites, and writing these brilliant pieces. On top of that I should probably butcher and grow all my own food, teach my children French, run a shop on Etsy to bring in some extra cash...I better move faster if I am going to get it all done.

Problem is, I can't move faster. Maybe you can & everything I listed above you accomplish by Tuesday of every week. I have found that I can't hurry any more. My schedule may get busier & that's okay, but this hurried attitude is just too much. My brain hurts by 4pm. I have to find rest & peace. 

When I feel the pressure of dreams, promises & hopes, I have to remind myself that I don't carry the responsibility of bringing them to pass. I have to trust that I have time to play in flowers on the way to the grocery store. I have to trust that God is building things and holding my significance in Him. I must remember that He will make all things happen, not me.

I am at rest, because He is at work.