Things You Should Know About Me -- If we are going to be friends

Hello! When I look at the stats for my blog, I realize that I don't actually know most of you. I'm not sure who lives in Belize, or the Netherlands, Germany, Finland, Poland...and the other places my readers come from. So, I figure that we should know each other better. Here are some things you might want to know about me. Enjoy!

1. One thing you should know is that I may not look the same when you see me next.  Long, short, bangs, no-bangs, blonde, red, brown ... and everywhere in between. I get bored with my hair very easily. OR maybe I am a spy. You pick.

Short blonde

Medium length brown

And the current red

                                                                                                                

2. I really love Subway sandwiches. They are truly a delight to me.

3. In my mind there is something fundamentally wrong with buying groceries from non-grocery stores. Walmart & Target will never convince me to buy food from them. Purchasing oranges at the same place I can buy tires is just unnatural.

4. I am a type A/ Bohemian hybrid. Very driven and constantly thinking, but with a whimsical spontaneity to it. You will find me trying to figure out a plan for how to run an AIDS clinic while swaying to Frank Sinatra with my hair up in an Italian scarf. It can really throw people off...

5. I am NOT laid back. People think I am because I am low-maintenance and pretty even keeled. I don't like 'chillin'. I like going. I always want to go somewhere new and do something new. No thank you to summer break.

6. It took me 2 years to learn how to cook a baked potato. Simple, you may think, but it wasn't!!! Literally 2 years. I will save you all the time and toil that I spent. Put the potato in a 350 degree oven for 2 hours. Now you can use your two years to do something else.

7. When I was little I created a plan to convince my parents that we could, in fact, have monkeys as pets. I figured out how much they needed to eat, what it would cost, sketched a diagram of the monkey house I would build in the back yard, planned out their vaccinations...They didn't go for it though. My parents are not quite as visionary as I am.

8. When I type, I hear my voice saying the words out loud. Just like you could hear Meg Ryan's voice in You've Got Mail when she typed her emails. I'd like to think that I don't smirk and smile thoughtfully into the distance like she did while typing, but it is very possible that I do.

9. I am very old fashioned. Surprise! I use a pen and paper. Not my iPhone or iPad to take notes. I have a paper daily planner. I think handwriting is an important art. I will also physically dial the phone numbers of people instead of just clicking on them in my contacts. It bothers me that people don't actually know each other's phone numbers anymore.

10. I think I would really enjoy gardening if it didn't involve dirt and bending over so much. But, I do love gardens. Particularly wild English gardens. Could sit in them for days. But, if left up to me I would never do any work in them.

See, wasn't that nice. NOW we are friends. Honestly though, I wish I could sit and chat with each one of you. Hear your stories and learn about where you are from. AND if you are one of those people from Finland, Kenya , Chile or wherever, please let me know who you are. I'd love to hear about you! Have a great weekend everyone!

Why Hope Hurts

Around, around, and around again. 

Hope: To cherish a desire with anticipation. 

We have each felt it. All of humanity since the creation of dreams. Hope. It elevates and stabs simultaneously. The desire for something to come. The expectation of an unfulfilled promise or destiny. Or perhaps simply a wish. Despite the size or seeming significance, our lives somehow hang in the balance of this anticipation of a hope. Mothers in Somalia right now are hoping for food. Friends of mine are hoping for spouses. Parents are hoping that their children will be okay despite the diagnosis of autism. Slaves are hoping for freedom in India. America is hoping for economic stability...  I am hoping to finish our adoption of two little Ugandan kids. Ford & Etta. I tear up just writing their names. Today was another day gone by that it didn't happen. We each hope for something. We are each waiting for something. 

I wish I could put on my 'godly' hat and say that it is another opportunity to practice patience. But it doesn't feel like a sermon illustration. Some heart wrenching story of the faithfulness of God. It's my life. It just feels like waiting. Again. The days turn into months... turn into years. It hurts to hope. 

We fight off doubt. "Did God forget his promise?" , "I must have done something wrong." , "If it hasn't happened by now, it probably won't". At what point do we throw in the towel? Hope hurts because we have to believe.

We begin to wonder if we sound ridiculous. "I know that we have prayed for 5 years, but I believe my sister is going to get healed." , "God promised a wife for me. I know that there is someone coming." , "He said that he would transform this city/nation/people. I know God is going to come through." Hope hurts because we have to risk.

We have to revisit disappointment over and over. Fight off discouragement and bitterness at unfulfilled desires. Our best efforts start to fall short. Rallying enough inner fight we face another day. Praying that this is the year of breakthrough. Hope hurts because it is exhausting.

Usually when hope reaches the point of pain, we have been in the fray for years. Our resources and lives have been spent. Placing everything we are on the promise that God will be faithful. We make decisions on the premise that our hope will be fulfilled & our hearts will not be left wanting. Hope is all we have left, because we let go of everything else.  Hope hurts because it is all on the line.

Our ability to control outcomes is removed. Circumstances and environments are not interpreted with worldly wisdom. Often we don't know what else to do but stand where we are. Praying that God moves something somewhere. Facing a mountain range with a cardigan and sandals. Unprepared in the natural to tackle the spiritual. Abilities and carnal strength are no match for the promise. Our fleshly nature dies. Hope hurts because it kills us. 

So, why hope? Why endure? I will tell you why I hope:

I hope because despite the immediate situation, I know something more of Jesus. I understand the comfort of a generous Savior. I hope because when there is nothing left in me there is always more of God. I hope because I have to. I was made to carry dreams of God. We all were. I hope because I want to ascend into the heights with Christ that the earth may be oppressed no more. One promise at a time. We cry in the process, but ALWAYS are victorious. In my need He is glorified and I am satisfied. I hope because the One who makes the promise, is the One who keeps the promise.

"...No one whose hope is in You will ever be put to shame..."

         Psalm 25:3