I Crawled Into A Really Small Hole Once

I crawled into a really small hole once. A hole I didn't think could hold me. A hole I didn't think could encompass the full scope of who I am.

There were times I wondered if I was shoved into this tiny space or if actually chose it.

It got boring in that hole. It wasn't big enough for my dreams. It wasn't big enough for the person I was trying to become. It wasn't even big enough to bring a friend into.

There didn't appear to be room for the fullness of who I was. The only version of me that could fit in the space was a very edited version. So edited I seemed nonexistent at times.

Just me and my hole. God was there though. Sometimes I got mad because He seemed to take up so much of the space. Space I could have used for other things.

I got mad. I got mad because it seemed the hole was holding me. My very source of discomfort was becoming my comfort. I didn't want to love the hole.

But I did. I began to own the mud walls. I smiled when I felt the dirt under my fingertips. It became home.

I began to find some resemblance of myself in that little cleft of the rock. A sense of belonging to it.

I have been told that His glory passes when we are in that place. I can't really say that I saw it at the time. It felt more like being stuck in a small hole.

I would prefer not to get stuck in another hole again.

However, if it happens, I know I will see more Glory. And that is what this journey is about.